Hitting from the Other Side

One thing that I can't think about when I'm writing is the fact that this whole playwriting thing is my job. Yes, I hope to make a liviing by tap tap tapping words onto a keyboard and creating worlds out of blank pieces of paper. That's so odd and strange and I get so consumed with the writing and the perils of just trying to write, just trying to get a story right, getting characters fleshed out, that I forget about needing to think about sending the plays out somewhere or finding a theatre to do my plays...

Spending time right now with my fellow playwright, Cristina, in the coffeeshop that spurned the creation of "Holy Schmidt!" and we spent time talking business, opporunities, and developments in careers. Somehow, she has this way of making these little things work for her in big ways, getting a small production of something in Florida. It impresses me to see her hard work payoff... But I'm worried. I'm worried that my head's not in the right place. I worry that I'm not spending my time well. Yes, I'm writing a lot, yes. That's good. But I'm not hitting from the other side, the business side of things. I'm not selling the product. And, yes, I want to make sure that I have a good product to sell, but when is the point where I let go and just go for the gold with a project?

the writing is getting easier. Much easier. I can find holes and solutions much faster and with greater ease than ever before. Characters speak clearer and become full people. I suppose that's all part of it, right? I'm still in school, so maybe I shouldn't concern myself TOO much about the business of writing quite yet. Or, will that be my downfall? Maybe I have to ease myself into considering the business little by little and then go from there. There are no right answers, as I learned by speaking with playwright, Melanie Marnich. A lot of it is being in the right place at the right time, creating your own opportunities. I suppose I should start crafting opportunities as much as I craft plays.

There's this part of me that I inherited from my parents. This part of me that wants everything right now, the fruits of labors to come as soon as I start the labor. No waiting, you know? Like, I did some push-ups, so where are my muscles? I put some money on this, where's the payoff? No waiting, instant gratification. Unrelentless desire for things to be as I want them at the moment that I want them. In some instances, that's a good thing, it helps keep things on track, but in other areas, I don't know if I'm hesitating and being patient, or if I'm wasting time. And all this is really impossible to gauge. It's a personal thing. I have to keep a mindset of knowing where I am in my own personal journey, in my own career. I feel like I've only just begun to understand how to write a play for myself with my own voice. I feel that I'm still shifting in my discoveries, but that the foundation has been set for my continued growth. I wish there were someway to really chart my progress and how to get where I'm going. And, yes, part of the problem is not knowing where I want to go in the future, what I want to do in the future. Yes, have my plays performed, but where and by whom? And no one is going to give me that answer except myself.