Insane Ideas

We had a visiting playwright this week—Ruth Margraff. She was responsible for shaking up my thinking of “Solamente Una Vez,” and since “Solamente” is being presented in Atlanta, I was excited for what new tools she could give me. Last year, we investigated our characters through Chinese fighting styles. This year, we investigated Bollywood. Here are some of the components of Bollywood as filtered through Ruth:

Extreme extroversion
Escape
Fantasy
Razzle Dazzle
Exaggeration
Climactic extremes
Jewel moments, where characters can shine
Supernatural moment
Reckless abandon
Moment of Transience
More artificial
Every shade of emotional reverberation
Glamour

Having these laid out, we were asked to explore our plays through the filter of Bollywood. I chose to investigate “Learned Ladies,” which I finished a first draft of earlier this week. (I also changed the title to “Savant Fondue.) So, in “Savant Fondue,” there are two sisters: Henrietta and Amanda. Amanda is older, more learned, more into her education. For five years, Amanda has been turning down Clint Anders. So, finally, Clint gets a clue and moves onto Henrietta. That’s the central conceit of my version of the story. Now, to “Bollywood” the story up, I focused in on a wedding. Here is the scene I wrote:

(A wedding reception. The “Chicken Dance” plays.)

Clint: I fucking hate the “Chicken Dance.” I told the DJ-- Two things: 1. I don’t want the Chicken Dance, and I don’t want—

(The Hokey Pokey starts.)

Clint: No hokey pokey!

Henrietta: Everyone! Everyone! I just want everyone to pay attention to me for a moment. Just a moment. I want to thank everyone for being here at my wedding, our wedding. It couldn’t have happened without everyone here.

Amanda: (to herself) It should’ve been me getting married today. Not her, not my sister, but me damnit!

(Flash forward to a dream sequence. Amanda is now dressed as a “house wife,” apron. She dusts. Clint enters.)

Clint: Honey, I’m home!

(A studio audience applauds/laughs.)

Amanda: Oh, there he is, my handsome man, welcome home! (Kiss kiss.) Dinner is on the table, our three children are waiting.

Clint: And our little “bun in the oven?”

Amanda: Baking.

Clint: I love you.

Amanda: And I hate you! You turned me into a fucking baby machine! Pop one out, you pop right back in again!

Clint: I had no idea you felt this way.

Amanda: Well, I do.

Clint: Let me make it up to you.

Amanda: How?

Clint: You’re a woman, you like jewelry, right? I’ll buy you some nice jewelry, a necklace with a diamond. Perhaps two diamonds.

Amanda: Oh, Clint, you’ve made me the happiest woman alive!

Clint: Good. Now let’s go eat dinner.

Amanda: I made chicken.

Clint: Again?! Curse you, foul woman and curse your chicken! I’ve been paying for a cooking correspondence course and you continue to serve up chicken?!

Amanda: I haven’t “passed” chicken yet, so I can’t move onto beef.

Clint: All that studying at a liberal arts college and what has it gotten you? You can’t even cook a galdarn meatloaf!

Amanda: I’m sorry! I’ll try harder!

Clint: No no, I’m leaving you!

Amanda: YOU are leavine ME? No sir! I’M leaving YOU!

Clint: You can’t leave me! I can’t live without you!

Amanda: I am a woman, Clint, a strong woman, a smart woman, a learned, bright, intelligent woman. I deserve better than this, better than you. And nothing you could say, nothing at all, could convince me to stay in this domestic prison!

Clint: But the baby!

(Amanda “gives birth” and plops the baby into Clint’s arms. She tears off her apron.)

Amanda: Goodbye forever, Clint.

(She exits.)

Clint: Oh, what a stupid man I am! My misogyny and bullheadedness have been my downfall!

* * *

So, it’s a pretty insane scene, yes? But it exemplifies all of the things I want to say in a hilarious way. I’m wondering if there’s a way to activate this kind of scene in the play I’ve already written? Is there a way to make the more “traditional play” come alive with scenes such as these?